Hell Week

Studio Fifty-Seven. "Fifty-seven."
Kara spews her nonsense till I start to freak.
Then it's Randy's turn to lob a lame critique.
And yet still I live for Idol all damn week.

Five-four. She meant Studio five-four.
But the new judge, once again she did misspeak.
And now Simon's calling Allison a freak.
And yet still I live for Idol all damn week.

Oh I love to hear Kris Allen
'Cause Kris Allen never shrieks
But the judges never give him props
Their praise remains oblique

Now let's say goodbye to Megan
She has got a hot physique
And she's giving us one last 'caw-caw'
Although she has no beak

Group singing!
Time for a quick shnack-y break
I'd kill for some cake
Is this singing fake?

Haha. Lady Gaga.
Has a zipper on her eye, my interest's piqued!
When did Paula learn about singing technique?
This is why I live for Idol all damn week.

written by Micheal Slezak, www.ew.com

Ok, so I happened to stumble upon this lil rap off of the Entertainment Weekly website- it definitely described my feelings from Idol this past week. So why not give the guy some credit, and post it on my popular, uber-fan flowing blog? Hence you've feasted on the word!

Enough Idol-atry...>ahem<

Ok onto the week which was hell for me..

Sunday evening as I was enjoying a late night catch up on the DVR, (really enjoyed Dennis Rodman in a chauffeur outfit on Celeb Apprentice, my new favorite reality show) and then I felt IT!

A toothache!

One I have not felt for 7 years! I think that's got to be a record! At least it is for me..I have thought I had been immune to feeling such annoyance for the remainder of my days-yeahhh not quite. Once I got myself back onto the rough, turf that is reality, I called and made an appointment to take care of said annoyance.

I like to consider myself...IN TOUCH..with the ethereal forces of nature, cosmic forces, stars allignment yadddah yaddah and had the smallest thought that this was not just any normal toothache, but that it would require a root canal! Mind you this thought came to me waaaaaaay before I saw the dentist-but to make a blog post short, sure enough the words, "How do you feel about a root canal," shattered my already fragile soul.

What was I suppose to say? "Oh ya know, I LOVE root canals!!"

But of course, my luck, they had to refer me to ANOTHER dentist office for the procedure.

Finally 2 dismal days later, I enter the Rocky Mountain Endodontic office. As I entered suite 109 I seriously thought I had traveled back in time to some bad country western. The only thing missing was the musk and smell of cattle and a wide open range. As I was expecting John Wayne himself, to come walking up to me, completely in dental gear-I realized what I'd been missing the past 7 years of good dental health. Damn. Below are a few recollections of that very afternoon, before AND after the nitrus gas.

Before

• Being told that I was lucky because I had "chosen" the RIGHT tooth that would be easier to work on than the others. "Ya know I tried my best."
  
• Sitting there, staring out the window, contemplating what would be worse-the fall after I had leaped out said window, or the root canal. hhhmmm.
  
• Having the dentist relate to me the difference between sitting in first class or coach, (in regards to choosing nitrus gas over 'versed' and the initial bill to come afterwards.)

After

• As I had decided to go with the nitrus, my mind was still completely in-tack, as the rest of my body felt like it had taken that JUMP out the window.
  
• Wrestiling with my mind NOT to say anything completely out of the ordinary or busting out into some Nsync lyrics.
• Being told throughout the procedure "Are you doing okay?" What did they expect me to say while I was breathing in intense amounts of nitrus??? Was this their way of trying to initiate some sort of comedy routine for their pleasure?
• Still wishing I had followed the rest of my body, and jumped out that window
• Attempting to drive home while still feeling the effects of the gas, and numbed out of my mind!!
• Getting home and supposedly texting while under the influence (hence the text asking Jess if we had lunch that same afternoon, which we had, but I had forgotten about...)
  

Now I am sitting here, with a swollen cheek and going in and out of country-western-dental-flashes from that afternoon. I am not out of the woods yet. I still have yet to go in and get a crown over the tooth.

So for the next 2 weeks I have to watch what I eat, so as to not cause any sort of fracture or break in the remaining tooth. Can you feel my excitement? Somehow my telepathic abilities are telling me this is only the beginning...

Shopping With Idols, My BlaKE-DC LIST!

Cara you said you wanted to know what it was like shopping with me right?? Well here goes!

You may recall my banter a few posts back where I vowed not to dedicate my energy, thoughts, or time to, Idolatry Season 8 Reflections, but once I took the chance and tuned in to watch the Top 36, I caved, and was immediately hooked!! So I lit up my Idol pipe once again.

PUFF, PUFF, PASS, PASS

(i was thinking Bob Marley)

Despite all the new rules, new judge, hate the new judge, hate the new rules-I have already predicted my choices for the finale! But more on that later.

In a season where I've felt cynical, enraged, and disengaged from-one of my most favorite television shows (thanks to Blake Lewis for converting me back onto the Idol train), I'd say that seven (maybe even eight) of the 13 finalists stepped up with performances that proved, as Randy Jackson put it, that they're ''in it to win it.''

Especially since as far back as I can recall, the official "MJ Collaboration week" reminded me of a bad karaoke bar (thank you to Jorge and Anoop for keeping the flame alive!)

As bad as it was, luckily none of the top 13 sent me to bed with nightmares of a barrel-racing beauty queen as Kristy Lee Cook did in the opening week of the finals last year, with her countrified ''Eight Days a Week." YEEEEEEEE-HAWW!!

Now Allison,one of my top 5 predictions, isn't your typical Idol beauty queen, (thankfully) It's refreshing to see a teenage female contestant on this show who hasn't already been media-trained into soundbite-spewing submission. For the record, just because Allison's dad is from El Salvador and speaks with an accent doesn't mean we require subtitles to understand what he's saying.

But for Jorge that is a different story...one that I will not get into because he went home tonight.

SI SE PUEDE!!

Another top 5 and on the Blake Lewis, David Cook list...ladies and gentelman I give you

KRIS ALLEN!!

I thought his take on ''Remember the Time'' was one of the night's strongest and most relevant performances!! I was seriously ready to shell out the 99 cents to buy the song on iTunes, and spare the additional 50 cents for the video! Im not much of an avid MJ fanatic, but Kris' rendition made me a believer! I hope he continues to go far in the competition-hand in hand with his wife (doubt that will deter the girls from casting their votes for him)

Megan Corkrey

As much as I want to root for a Utah-grown resident, no amount of quirky dancing will get her into the finals...but I do find her voice seducing me (much like my Nelly
Furtado did.) sigh. Hopefully she gets passed the top 10, just so I can continue my 2 year streak attending the Idol concert at Energy Solutions Arena.

We interrupt this paragraph for a very important HOT MOM ALERT. Megan's mom?

1-800-Whoa-Mama!

Matt Giraud

Again with the Justin Timberlake seal of approval, they tainted Justin's good name when reference to Chris "LAWN GNOME" Richardson from Season 6-so why do they have to do it again this year?!!!! No one can compare to JT! Matt will go far no doubt, but don't know if he has as much as it takes to break through the top 5.

Adam Lambert

Aside from studying his hairstyle, he too has made it into Blake Lewis, DC list...and one I believe will be in the finale for sure!! His vocal range is like no other! Some may think it is screeching, or sounding like a dolphin in heat-but its DIFFERENT! Lets face it, America digs different! I am still contemplating whether or not to buy his guyliner...I will keep you posted

Danny Goecke

I know I will probably be stoned in time square for saying this but unfortunately, I'm less prepared to give Danny an automatic pass to the finals, as Paula prematurely predicted. He does have a tender, heart wrenching story behind him, but so do the single moms-Megan, Lil' and Alexis...so get in line buddy and continue to pull at Americas heart strings. (Obviously his voice will put him in the finals), and if by some natural disaster, he gets the boot-I am POSITIVE the judges will use their powers to make sure he is safe...least you have that to look forward too Dan.

I still find myself remembering the tragic event that happened last year when Aussie-pro tennis playa' matey Micheal Johns got kicked off the stage, still brings a smile to my face-at least all of his fans can feel vindicated as his single comes out next month.

Track 1 entitled: WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!

How ironic.


Which brings me to the five contestants most deserving of winding up in the bottom three next week: Michael Sarver, Scott MacIntyre, Anoop Desai, Lil Rounds

Not THAT Into YOU!

This past Valentines Day weekend, I had the pleasure of going on a "poly-ga-date" aka a date which included one single guy (me), and 3 single ladies. The movie for the night...ohhhh

"he's just not that into you"

SPOILER ALERT

I can understand, after 122 minutes of comedy, affairs, breakups, hookups and make-ups that this movie speaks the truth for MOST women out there who run into the guys like Bradley Cooper's character, or how about Ben Affleck or Justin Connolly? After seeing their relationships and how they, overall treated the opposite sex-I can imagine any woman coming away feeling inadequate. Or at least thats how I felt watching each, "6 degrees of separation" esque encounter.

I hate to admit it, (other than the fact that I enjoyed the movie, despite Jennifer Connelly ending up BY HERSELF, AND DIVORCED and Jen Aniston literally portraying HER LIFE IN REAL TIME) But after the credits, my mind was reeling out of control!

What happened to the book entitled, "she's just not that into you?"

I doubt I am the only one who feels this way (and if I am, keep it to yourself) but I was feeling like there was seriously something wrong with me, after watching that movie. I am almost past the prime of my time, and still have yet to be in a relationship of any kind.

THIS GENTELMAN'S CLOCK IS TICKING LADIES!!

Imagine being overwhelmed, hopeless, desperate, inadequate, lonely, sad, paranoid, anxious, frustrated, analytical, and hungry all at the EXACT same time. These feelings were literally devouring my fragile, delicate soul. I could not escape! I was trapped in a cage, while beind prodded with emotions, while the voices were telling me "shes just not that into you."

A great friend of mine, who happens to be a lady, told me that she is tired of asking people what they've been up too, and receiving the response, "Oh you know just doing the married thing" and coming away feeling that she had NO idea what that was like, because she happens to be single and therefore not MARRIED!! She told me that from now on, if she is ever asked the question she will just say, "oh you know, just doing the SINGLE thing. " (Sorry if I totally misinterpreted any of the above Jess, have your lawyer contact my lawyer. Hope you can forgive me)

I immediately felt the light of heaven shining down on me at that moment. I could go on forever about the pros and cons of being single vs. being married, or how about celebrating Valentines Day as "Single's awareness day" and receiving text messages at 7 am wishing YOU a HAPPY SINGLE'S AWARENESS DAY!! You know what....THANKS A LOT! I get it! I am SINGLE! As of right now it feels like it will be FOREVER...and I clearly won't be garnishing the woman of my dreams in flowers, chocolates, and candle wax-but do you need to remind me with a text message at the crack of freaking dawn!?!!

So I have come up with my own personal definition of what it means (to me) as doing the single thing.

Make snickerdoodles and eat the entire batch
(without producing the calories)

Find yourself watching any Jane Austen movie, and by movie I mean Pride and Prejudice and feeling like your a reincarnated version of Mr. Collins rather than Mr Darcy

Going to see "he's just not that into you" with 3 single ladies, ON VALENTINES DAY, and the whole 122 min wondering why there isnt a movie called "SHES just not that into you"

Why none of the ladies you're with ... isn't making out with you-but finding yourself attracted to the female in front with the horse laugh

Being referred to as Peter Pedophile when you enjoy other peoples kids so much

Making up a valid excuse why being single is so great
(hence this definition)

I am hoping one day I will be able to figure out exactly what it is I am doing wrong, and who knows, maybe those of you reading this know WHAT that is...hhmmmmm

This Week EN-RAGE!

I know it has been awhile since my last "This week en-RAGE" post, but there have been a few things that have annoyed me this past week. Thus I have to let it all out somehow, otherwise I may just do something more drastic to release the frustration. Don't worry, you won't be seeing me on Fox 13 for robbing a bank or a Sev' (sorry to disappoint, but Bips not packing heat)

#1. American Idol Season 8

I haven't been on my best behavior, as far as this season of Idol is concerned. Most of you have known me for being quite the fanatic when it comes to the best show on television (or at least it USED TO BE) But I quit watching after the first week, it was just TOO much. They just added so many "new" things this season, new judge (annoying as crap, and she tries too hard to impress), a Top 36 instead of 24...(cant imagine watching 36 compete for 12 spots..and then we still have 12 more to go.) Its like they're trying to draaaaaaaaaaaaaaag it out longer than usual, and they're clearly doing a great job at it too.

If you're like me and want to jump ahead a whole week and see who makes the TOP 36, visit the website below and you can take a glance at the future hopefuls-I am just relieved that I have been saved from prying my eyes out with a spoon, while enduring another week of painful auditions (not that I've been glued to the past couple weeks or anything). Maybe in 2 weeks I will feel like tuning in and actually caring to cast my vote...

But sadly I'm not betting on it.

http://mjsbigblog.com/top-36/

Now that I look at it I may not be so "en-raged" as I thought I was in the beginning. After all, I was able to take a peek into the future, and overall saved my life entirely. PRAISE THE LORD!