Victim of Bullying

These days, wherever I seem to turn, there is always SOMETHING I see or read pertaining to bullying, teasing, or about someone committing suicide over being a "victim" of hate. I may not agree with certain lifestyle choices, (i.e. homosexuality to be specific), but there should be no tolerance for any kind of bullying towards anyone because of their race, sexual orientation, or gender.

Seeing this new 'hot topic' arise recently, I just wanted to share my own personal struggle growing up with being a victim of bullying.

DISCLAIMER:
I have to warn you, what you are about to read isn't a falsehood.
Everything mentioned below, is true, and became a major scar in my life growing up.

For starters, I've always been considered the 'midget' in school. From elementary even continuing into high school. But towards the latter end of my education, the fact that I was shorter than 95% of my peers, didnt effect me as much, as it did, while in elementary. But that was only the tip of the iceberg. Not only was I short, but I had a high pitched voice.

For reasons unexplained, (I dont know why), I've always had a high pitched tone in my voice growing up. So you can imagine how I felt as time came to enter middle school, right when puberty was becoming evident for most guys, just not for me. I still had the same high voice as I did in elementary. As a result, I would be walking to class and all of a sudden, hear some individuals say my name, "Shaaaaaaaaaaay" in a girls tone of voice. Obviously they did it to put me down and make fun of me. I dont know why, but clearly it was the "cool thing to do," and no doubt made them feel like the 'big boys' on campus.

I'm not going to lie, it bothered me immensely. Everytime I would hear my name being said, in that same high pitched tone, I would freeze up and want to hide in a dark corner, just to escape them. There was even a time that I wanted to change the spelling of my name, so that it didn't resemble a girl's name. It just made matters worse! I was ashamed of my own name! I would look forward to the days that I didn't have to go to school, I was safe! But I couldn't escape the teasing. Even when I thought I was in an area that no one would know me, I would stumble upon someone involved in that "crowd" and they wouldn't hesitate to call me out in public.

In some ways, I honestly feel this became a major impact on my self esteem and the overall confidence I had for myself. It damaged me as a person. Even today, as I reflect, I can still hear their voices taunting me, and the laughter that would ensue afterwards. I was too ashamed to even attempt to share this with any of my family members, or my friends. Just for the sake of them not noticing, clearly, what those kids had noticed. I just kept it all inside. The sound of my name, eating me from within. It even got to the point where I couldn't see myself asking girls out, or seriously dating anyone. Who would want to date the guy who talked like a girl? There was no hope for me. It was true torture!

But dont get me wrong, to this day I have definitely grown passed all that! I'd like to think I've become a much stronger individual, just for the fact that I know what its like to be a victim of bullying, and being teased throughout the critical years of my teenage to young adult life. In some ways I feel empowered that I became the man I am today! Even though it may have effected me emotionally and mentally back then, I didnt let it get to the point where I wanted to take my own life. Who knows, it could've ended up that way, had I not had a loving father in heaven who never abandoned me as I would pour my heart out to him to, "please let those kids leave me alone, and stop teasing me."

I can only speak for myself, but I think that everyone goes through some sort of "bullying" in their life, some big and some small, but I believe it happens for a reason. Took me 17 years to realize it though, and I'm grateful that I didn't end up in a bad position because of it all. Yeah I may receive sarcastic remarks regarding, " Why did my parents name you Shay?" "Don't they know thats a girl's name?" (Thank you grandma.) But I love my name! If anything, its unique and definitely stands out in a crowd, just like me! Lol.

Hopefully you were able to receive some sort of strength as you read my words. I just hope that you're able to take something away from all of this, not to feel pity or sad for me, but to be aware of those "bullies" in your own personal life. Don't let them succeed in bringing you down. It took me a long time to realize this, but the only opinion that matters is God's. His and his alone is one of love and charity. I've found my strength in his love, and hope that you can too!

Thank you for reading.

What I Miss About Childhood

Bottle cap gun fights!! Pretending were detectives trying to find WHERE in 'Windolph Landing' is Carmen San Diego! Windolph Landing was the name of the neighborhood I grew up in lol good times!

The ONLY Conference BYU will be INVITED TOO will be General Conference!

The title for this post, I saw as a status update on one of my friends facebook walls, it was HILARIOUS!! Unfortunately, only part of it has anything to do with this actual post, sorry to disappoint.

Just wanted to share with you some of the thoughts and feelings, and inspirations I had received over the past weekend while listening and participating in General Conference. First off, I am no where near the religious scholar I would like to be, so whenever conference comes around I always tend to shy away, and find myself busy doing other things, rather than listening to conference. I dont know if its laziness, ignorance, or the rebel in me-I just feel like I am not equipped with the knowledge to grasp the teachings that are sometimes brought across. So in other words, I feel guilty and inadequate, that I still have not come anywhere close to being well-educated in church doctrine.

Its my own fault, of course! Which is why I made more of an effort to participate more in this particular conference weekend.

Actually got off on the wrong foot, missing the first 2 sessions on Saturday (I was babysitting my neice), and I knew it wasn't a good enough excuse, so I told myself, because I had missed the morning sessions, I would go to the general priesthood meeting that evening. However, my brothers were attending the meeting with my father, who isnt a major part in my life, I talk to him probably once in awhile, but I wouldn't say our relationship was a strong one. I just prefer not to associate with him at all. So right there, was the PERFECT opportunity to skip the priesthood meeting altogether! I told myself I wasn't going to go at all. Then later that day, I had been invited to attend with my good friend and his dad, totally unexpected, but found this to be a blessing in disguise, because I really did want to try and start conference weekend off, on the right foot. Before heading out, I knelt down in prayer and asked the Lord to help me be inspired by the words that were going to be presented, and that their message would help me, in my own personal struggles I have been experiencing.

Sure enough they were!

I should've taken a notepad to take notes, but I came away feeling SO full of the spirit and wanting to change my life for the BETTER! I want to be fully recommitted to the teachings of the Lord and his gospel! Each of the speakers that evening, touched my heart, like I had fervently prayed to the Lord for them to do. Their messages were for ME! I never found myself so invested in the words they had to say, since I was on my mission! This was a completely new journey for me and I actually came away feeling renewed and invigorated with the spirit! I thanked the lord for the opportunity to be touched and filled with his spirit, and that I was able to hear the words I needed to hear, in order to improve my own life.

I am going to try harder not to take the church's teachings for granted. I am going to recognize the choices that I are presented before me, and choose the ones with the least consequences, that won't deter me from the path towards eternal salvation!

That is WHERE I WANT TO BE!!

I am only referencing the General Priesthood Meeting specifically, but overall the entire Sunday I got the chance to continue to be edified and uplifted to strengthen my own life and strive to become a better child of God, and walk the path he would want me to walk! Hopefully I will be able to hold to the rod and stay on that straight and narrow path and not stray...but I will be more invested now, than I ever have been before!

Life's Little Awkward Moments: Dating

Either pass gas and she if she has a sense of humor, or is REALLY disgusted and then I would know RIGHT THERE whether or not if she is wifey material lol