How Say YOU America?! American Idol Review pt. 2

Another sad, sad day for 4 contestants, and also most of all the viewers! Yes, I am speaking about me! After tonights results, all I can say is that this show never seems to amaze me. Mostly because THE CONTESTANTS that SHOULD go home DO NOT!!


But those of you reading this are saying, "But Shay thats why its entertaining! We want to give a record contract to another Ruben Stoddard that will end up with a one-hit wonder and be featured on VH1's 100 Awesomely Worst Songs EVER!"


Ahh the lucky 4 that went home tonight.

Alaina Whitaker

I blame it on the blue dress! You can admit it was a major distraction. Its THE ONLY REASON I can still think of as to why she was sent home (and personally I don't own any dresses, nor plan on owning any in the future, sorry to disappoint) but I know what looks good on that body John Mayer calls a Wonderland. I was really sad to see her go, she was starting to be my favorite out of the girl scouts. Samoas anyone?

Robbie Carrico

Robbie, I blame it on the critique from the judges! They don't believe he is a rocker?? If someone says they're a rocker, then by all means they are what they eat right? I for one, tend to pass on the bowl of Van Halen flakes for breakfast every morning, but I thought his performance this week was MUCH better than last week and definitely not the reason to send him home. At least you have the Justin Timberlake image working for ya!

I can also admit that I am glad Luke pulled it through tonight, (could be because I voted for him last night..) but Orlando you need to pick better song choices otherwise your bow and arrow elf-skills wont save you from Middle Earth next week.

Jason Yaeger

FINALLY!! This was THE ONLY decision of the night that I actually agreed with. I didn't like him from the beginning. I know I'm cruel. Maybe it was because he was pulling the white stripe in his black mane that made me think he was copying Blake Lewis....HOW DARE HE!! Or probably because each week, his song choices reminded me of something that would be performed as the opening for a caribbean cruise. I'll look for you on the rebound on my next cruise Jason!

Alexandrea Lushington

Again never liked her...but it came down between her and my FAVORITE (choke me with a peace sign) Amanda Overmyer. I've realized that Amanda will always be in the bottom 2 and end up prevailing in her flame rippling chaps and bad hair. As much as I'd like to rant and stomp my midget legs over this fact, my crystal ball sees Amanda making it into the top 12 (look what happened last year between Hayley Scarnato "Legs," and Sabrina Sloan). Sorry Alexan-DREA, but at least you can go back to being the poster child for your daddys fire department. PEACE!

So according to the bracket sheet the score is 35 to 41, with Jess leading 41. I felt better knowing that we both banked on Amanda going home tonight, but we were denied ONCE AGAIN by the Idol police! Maybe the strategy is to not get our hopes up altogether and choose someone that is MUCH stronger vocally, because Elvira will triumph overall in the very end.

So I am going to put my life on the line and make my Top 12 prediction...are you ready?

Tune in Next Week to see if I have the power to predict America's GREAT TASTE in music!

(If It was up to me some of the above wouldn't be there...I'm talking to you David Hernandez and Asia'h Epperson) I know this prediction will end up back in my face, I might as well quit and save me the embarrassment.


How Say YOU AMERICA?! American Idol Review pt. 1

Ok so I have become an AVID fan of American Idol ever since last season. As most of you already know from hearing it from my own lips, you knew that I acted like a giddy school girl when I would mention how much of a fan I was of Blake Lewis from the Season 6 crew.

It grew even more so when Jessica and I had the pleasure to enjoy VIP seating at the American Idol Concert Tour last summer, and I got to see my favorites, Blake and Lakisha, perform Live!! It definitely was the highlight of 2007 for me, next to the amazing birthday I had (even though I turned 26 that year which is nothing to praise Jesus about, but my friends made it memorable.)

I have begun my journey on the American Idol Soul Train, by bringing you my thoughts, gripes and groans from this years Season 7 contestants! Fasten your seat belts and dance like theres no tomorrow, because this is going to be a bumpy blog!

This year Season 7 has been overly hyped up to be THE best season. I can honestly agree somewhat, but after viewing the performances both Tues. and Wed. night I wasn't exactly jumping out of my skin. I did come away however enjoying a couple guys and a few girls, but wouldn't say they contributed (as Randy "DAWG" Jackson says) that WOW, SLAYING factor. So bring back Sarah Michelle Gellar and have her open up a can of Vampire Slayer whoop ass!

My opinion could also be that I'm not a music major nor a chorister of a 50 piece brass and wind orchestra, (you can look for that in my next life) so whose to say I know what I'm complaining about. However, my perspective could also be a result of the fact that I am just partially confused and annoyed with anything that comes out of Paula Abdul's mouth.

YES I SAID IT! Have your Mighty Ducks meet me on the ice Emilio!

Don't get me wrong, I dance like theres no tomorrow with my cold hearted slave, and straight up I'll tell her if I really want to love her forever. But as of right now, she needs to say either she liked the performance or not! I don't want to hear how BEAUTIFUL or FUN the contestant looked, I want to know if YOU, Paula, think the performance deserves to be voted for. And not if they contributed to one of the many colors of the damn rainbow.

But Paula you are Forever My Girl!

So the results from tonights show, 2 guys and 2 girls were voted off. But lets speak frankly for a second here, wouldn't you think the 30 million something odd voters out there (me being 1 of them) would want to weed out the terrible singers/performances from the ones who have the pipes AND the potential?!! Of course not, thats why its entertaining right?

This Season, Jessica and I have decided to do a bracket for each week. By choosing which guys and girls will be voted off, and therefore gain a certain amount of points for each one we get correct. Ending up in a complimentary tour of Hogle Zoo. HOORAY! So generally I thought I had this IN THE BAG!! But perhaps my over confidence and competitive edge made me lost sight of how AMERICA votes whose good and whose bad (remember last year's Sanjaya?? Not a pretty sight!)

Joanne Borgella

It came down between her and Amanda Overmyer (who I think looks like Elvira) and I was SO disappointed that America chose the plus size model, Joanne, to leave. I admit that her first performance was not that great, partly because we didn't get to see most of her performances during Hollywood Week, probably because Fox couldn't stop relating the sad, sad, irish tale of Carly Smithson and her horrible visa incident. WHO CARES! But Joanne was one of the girls I was pulling for to make the Top 12. It could also be the attraction I have to plus size black women who hold a special place in my white man bosom, but I think she deserved to show us exactly that vocal range she talked about. I was REALLY torn over this outcome, and it probably will ruin the rest of the Season for me because YOU Amanda Overmyer sang a scatt-datt-enn-doo-doo-crap-whack song and if anyone likes that kind of music genre probably resides in the hills of incest hood.

The other girl to leave was Amy Davis, who I knew right after she performed that horrible song was going to be the first to leave the stage so gimme some points America, or was it TOO obvious??

Colton Berry

Now Colton wasn't one of my favorite guys, but I thought he sang a better song than half the guys Tuesday night. So again, I was very upset and frustrated when America dropped the ball by sending him home. Maybe his reference to Ellen will get him a guest starring role on her show and she can promote his solo album. But he and a few other contestants are under the age of 18 and still have their lives ahead of them, but I thought that Chikeze definitely needed to be voted off for his terrible Diana Ross rendition, but what do I know?

Lastly, I'm sad to see you go Garrett Clark, but at least you got to look like Micheal Jackson on your last night on the American Idol stage! Don't let the mic stand hit you on the way out.

Hopefully next week America can regain consciousness and this time eliminate YOU Jason Yeager, David Hernandez, Chikezie Eze, Amanda Overmyer, Aish'a Epperson, Alexandrea Lushington; because God knows if either of you make the Top 12 this will be one "avid fan" that will turn the TV off on Idol for good!


I Dedicate THIS To YOU..Skunk Doe!

So I have had pretty good luck when it pertains to disasters of any kind. Granted I am still trying to forget the unfortunate car wreck that I was apart of last August 2006, and frankly I was the one to blame for it all. I confess I was distracted while listening to Dido (who has been removed from the vehicle forever I must admit.)

But I have NEVER been so lucky as to commandeer my car to take the life of any animal or vermin..such as lets say...a skunk.


There was no Dido to blame, this time it was Blake Lewis, but I was not in any way, shape or form disabled or daydreaming (like I somehow tend to do more often than not.) I caught a glimpse of the creature scurrying across Bangerter Hwy (most likely to make it back to its family awaiting his/her return, which I still cannot get out of me head!!) and then THANKS TO ME....


I immediately gasped as I felt my car go up and over its NOW lifeless body....

I shut Blake Lewis up, and I was extremely sad, no not because I shut Blake up for the first time, but because I have never did anything so terrorist-like before. I know some of you reading this are scoffing and cannot believe I am in such pain and anguish over this vermin, but you're not the ones being reminded of the incident every time you enter and exit your vehicle!


Skunk doe (I refer to it as "doe" because I did not take the opportunity to pull over immediately after said accident to discover its gender, nor to pack it up to bring home to skin what was left of its remains and make some skunk jerky) left behind whats left of its mortal existence on the front right wheel of my car, an indescribable burnt toast fragrance; and I am forever to be reminded of its tragic removal from this life because I couldn't swerve like a Nascar pro race car driver.

I am hoping that by relating this tale as in a blog obituary, I will be able to sleep well and not be caused to dream of the situation over and over; while remaining WIDE awake until I finally decide to forget sleeping altogether and attempt to receive some sort of justification of my actions by watching Tyra, or Oprah (whichever is on when I give up on sleep.)

There has been a small fund set up in the name of Skunk Doe for all those interested in submitting some sort of currency to pay for the damages caused on this terrible Monday morning.


Bips BUCKET List

Ahh the beauty and bliss of a life well lived and well deserved. I was looking over my list of things to do before i die and decided to share them with YOU, my beloved audience.

Catch a Punch
As someone takes a swing at me, I just want to be able to catch it, twist their arm backwards, and hear them scream in agony!

Roll A Car
Survive and come away unscathed.

Pull a Fake Mustache Off A Guy At A Dinner Party and yell "AHA!"

Urinate on A Jellyfish Sting

Hop into a Cab and Yell "FOLLOW THAT CAR!"

Drag my hand backwards down a Woman's Cheek While Saying
"What A Shame"

Direct a Movie called AWESOME So I Can Be Referred To As
The AWESOME Director

Cauterize a war wound with gunpowder

Fend off a Bear with a torch, as he goes up on his hind legs, I grab a torch from the fire and shake it back and forth while yelling

Make love endlessly all during some natural disaster

Interrogate a criminal in a dark room, and take the bright light from above and shine it directly onto their face and say "Were Onto You!"

Be the only survivor on a deserted island and write SOS in the sand
while waiting for rescue.

Continue to rack my insanity and come up with more ideas to act out
before I die.