BEST Christmas Present EVER!!!

Kadence Allaire Smith

My sister had the pleasure of bringing her sweet daughter into the world on December 23rd at 12:30pm. Kadence Allaire Smith, weighed in at 9lbs 4 oz and was 21 inches long. She is so gorgeous! It is the first grandchild/neice in our family and her boyfriends family. I can imagine she will not go without. I am so grateful to the Lord for bringing her into all of our lives, she will definitely be cared for and loved immensely!!

Its ALL about the UGLY!

Every time the Christmas season rolls around, I seem to have developed a "tradition" of throwing a holiday party for some close friends of mine.

Luckily, this year, once again that tradition is still going! Below are some memorable photos from the evening. I always look forward to the laughs, memories and "Jana" moments throughout the evening. Thank you all who came out and spent time creating more great memories, and keeping this tradition going strong!

If there is anyone out there in the blog world that is a FAN of snickerdoodles, well apparently the hard work, sweat, blood and tears, that was put into making sure they turned out SOFT and CHEWY...well lets just say they were clearly not the preferred dessert of the evening. So there are plenty leftover for those of you who do appreciate the tingling sensation only a cinnamon and sugar cookie can bring to your taste buds.

Oh and between now and next Christmas, if you see a ugly sweater only a grandma could enjoy, give me a call because I need to step it up a notch next year! Cheers!

This Week's BAH-HUMBUG

If you're currently in the 801 area code, (HOLLAH) you would be victim to the lovely white weather we've been receiving NON-STOP!

There are those of us who enjoy the so called "moisture" and in fact pray for it in sunday school or priesthood meeting, but I have become one who literally cringes whenever there is thanks given to the Lord for the "moisture we have received." Right now you're probably thinking, "What a SCROOGE!" Listen, I have absolutely No complaints about giving thanks, but honestly do we really have to pray for MORE?!

You'd think I've learned my lesson of complaining, when I was accosted and told that we're in a drought and we could be without water if it weren't for the "moisture." So maybe I'm ignorant, selfish, take your pick-but God still loves me.

One of the many reasons I am disliking this weather now more than ever, is because this year I am privileged enough to be utilizing crutches to support my bum knee that I had surgery on last September.. but lets not get into too much detail. Anyways so while I am at work, and carefully keeping both eyes glued to the linoleum floors as I am crutching along like Tiny Tim, when almost immediately, my crutch slides out from under me and practically causes my face to meet said linoleum. Luckily the tragedy hasnt struck me (yet) but seriously, its becoming really annoying! There is obviously no way to correct this problem, I just need to get back to walking like a real boy and instead of using "assistance," but I'm afraid that until I am fortunate enough to move someplace with a warmer climate-I will continue to curse the white stuff until the day I die, or move,

Whichever comes FIRST!

Blogger On Hiatus...Thats ME!

I know I haven't been a true blogger for the past couple months, but there is a good excuse for that.

Please allow me to explain!

The end of September I had the pleasure of undergoing a distal femoral osteotomy on my left knee. (Long story, lets just say one of the many leftover injuries I sustained from my mission.)

Waking up after what was suppose to be a 3 hour surgery, but ended up a total of 8, I wasn't in too much pain. Just the relentless thought as to why I decided to finallly go through with it. There was a lot of things on my mind at the time, one of them being the relief of having more self confidence and respect for myself knowing that I can walk around without constant paranoia , thinking people were staring at my bo-legged-ness. Then there was the vanity side of me celebrating that I will FINALLY look great in a pair of jeans without looking in the mirror and seeing "THE CROOKED LEG."

To all those who are addicted to Oxycotin..with the constant nausea and hot flashes its a good thing I decided I wasn't going to jump on the band wagon.

The Game of Life

Ten years ago..

Wow already thinking back to when I was 17 made my head spin.I had just finished my junior year in high school and officially started my first job as a "Pump Boy" at Larry H's gas station in Sandy. My responsibilities consisted of waiting for cars to pull up, go up and pump gas into their car, check the air in their tires, and wash their windows. It was a problem when the big suped up trucks,twice my size, would come in and the customer would ask the short guy (me) to wash their windshield. This was my first introduction to what I would learn to call, EXTENDED manual labor, from that moment on I would begin to regret it hereafter!

Five years ago..

I had received my admissions letter to begin my freshman year at the University of Utah. I had just applied on a whim not even thinking I had the chances of making it into any 4 year institution let alone one as great and influential as the U. Not sure what I was going to major in, I found out about their Film studies program. I still recall sitting through the freshman presentation at orientation and thinking, "WOW 4 years is such a looooooong time."
Right..now thinking back I shouldve applied myself better and perhaps I could've graduated. Thats a blog post for another day.

Five months ago..

This time in my life was where a MAJOR turning point occurred in my job history. I received a letter explaining that I had been offered a position as a full time career employee for the United States Postal Service. I still recall double checking the address and the name on the letter, because THIS WASN'T MEANT FOR ME! Sure enough there was my name. This was something I had only dreamed of, (mind you I'm not referring to the fact that I want to be a Postmaster, or continue to have a career in the letter carrier field) but rather I'd receive amazing health benefits and $36K a year!! I continue to offer my immense gratitude to my Savior for this wonderful blessing, to be given to someone like me who hasn't received his Bachelors degree yet,
and is now able to make great money!!


Five things I would do if I was suddenly a billionaire...

1. Pay tithing
2. Give a gracious portion to a major charity
3. Buy everyone in my family and close friends a house and a car
4. Produce and direct my own mainstream film
5. Travel the world!


Three bad habits...

1. PROCRASTINATING!!
2. Feeling insecure
3. Biting my nails

Four things people don't know about me...but now will

1. I love watching Anime. I know I have officially revealed the true nerd inside of me.
But I really enjoy the story lines and animation! It just intrigues me. Despite my fear of sharing this intimate detail for the world to read, goes to show you that I am a true geek underneath.

2. Even though I don't yet own a camera, my mind is constantly attracted to specific moments around me that I want to capture. Not just those intimate moments you share with loved ones and friends, but of the rare things that life offers you. I hope that in the near future I can beging to accomplish this small attraction of mine so that I can look back and feel I have caught those once in a lifetime treasures.

3. Growing up with the brittle bones disease, has trapped me into living a life of fear and worry. The lives we live are meant to be enjoyed and celebrated. I still believe to this day, that it controls the way I think and the way I interact with those around me. Especially the beautiful environment in which we live. I know that when the resurrection comes I will finally be free to enjoy those certain "simple" pleasures that the rest of the world takes for granted.

4. I am reminded each and everyday that there is someone special out there waiting for me. I get tangled up into the thoughts Satan puts in my mind about not being that "body builder" or 6 foot 4 tough guy, who are ultimately always getting the girls. I just believe that my time has not yet come, and when it does it will be so unexpected that I will realize what an amazing blessing my Savior has given me. I am entitled to be happy, and I know that someday she will be cherished and be treated like a queen for eternity!

Im Gonna Kill Me Some Bunnies

As if my life wasn't eventful enough already...

I have discovered something more exciting than winning the lottery..

Enter Killer Bunnies and the Quest for the Magic Carrot!

This newly encountered card game is the greatest discovery since Columbus discovered Indians and Thanksgiving. Its a fast paced, action filled card game, in which you must try to keep as many Bunnies alive as possible, while eliminating your opponents' Bunnies. The problem: Your opponents are armed with weapons and will stop at nothing to keep you from winning the game. The goal is to survive and claim the Magic Carrot to win the game.

So for those of you out there wondering where I have been, and why I haven't been a good boy in posting eventful, delicioso blogs, well you can now see what has occupied my time for the last few weeks!

Are you willing to take me on in this Carrot conquest?

Ho Hum

So I realize thats its been almost a month since my last posting...

I'm not going to give excuses or any reason ,for those of you reading this, to feel sorry for me.

When I find a reason to post something worthy of chatter...then it will be!!

But for now I don't plan on it anytime soon..

COOKIE COOKIE COOKIE...Starts with C!

COOKIE MONSTER!

From the beginning it was predicted to come down to David vs. David, and after a grueling final 2 showdown Tuesday night, clearly the judges had already chosen Lil David Archuleta as THE Idol..(and I too have decided that Archuleta would be the IDOL of 2008...and that was totally fine with me, for I am apart of TEAM DAVID!)

I like to think in some small way...I had a hand in those votes that took DC to the finish line, I couldn't put the fate of THE only REAL rocker to contend on the Idol stage; and to ever bring me over to the dark side (which is rock and roll) into the hands of millions of Americans who've already screwed over such potential Idols such as Micheal Johns and Carly Smithson (but it was fate..and expected) so I voted as much as I could while at work keying zip codes for the PO.

84088...84114...17603....1-866-436-5701

So I like to bring it all to a close...my amazing journey which is American Idol, and I too have traveled the emotional road with DC, Archie, and my all time favorite Brooke White...

As DC was crowned THE IDOL..I couldn't hold back the tears and started crying..as I watched him hug his mom and then his brother...AAGGHH...I have only cried like this while sitting in the movie theater while watching Return of the King..and as the credits were rolling...his brother faces the camera and mouths..

"THATS MY BROTHER!"

AND MORE TEARS START TO FLOW!!

OH MAN! I know David Cook will have HUGE success and make it as far as Carrie Underwood..his vocals give me goosebumps and I feel a connection that I hope to feel the moment I look into the eyes of the future Mrs. Bip..

On that cheesy note, let me clarify that being on the dark side is sometimes a good thing...(but not the dark side which Amanda Overmyer hails from mind you..)

SEE YOU GUYS ON TOUR!!! WHOOOOOOOOOO!

The Nanny Steps Out, Here Comes My Tears

So for all of you out there that have complained about Brooke being too emotional, forgetting her lyrics (which only happened once people, check your DVR recordings) and beating out the overly hyped Carly....well you got what you wished for!

NOW MOVE ON!

This is one blonde, ivory tickler fan that will miss THAT emotion and unique voice tone for the remainder of the competition. I KNOW she wasn't going to take the Idol title, but come on now, she at least had the chords to beat out the bowl smoking Jason....and I wouldn't doubt that he beats out Syesha next week either...but to tell you the truth..

Cookie is taking THE TITLE! With lil Archie coming in second! (But if you want to know the REALITY of it all...I would rather Archie takes it all..because the ones who don't end up winning make MUCH BETTER and MORE SUCCESSFUL records...just look at Daughtry!)

Lights off...I have to go cry some more for my Nanny

How Say YOU America?! Idol Gives Back, By Keeping Kristy For Another Week

Yes, to your disapointment its that time of the week.

MORE IDOLATRY NONSENSE CONTRIBUTED BY YOURS TRULY!

I applaud those of you who keep coming back for more, despite the anger and frustration I tend to throw out there for everyone to read (and lets face it, I was never one to keep it all built up inside.) Who knows, if the comments keep dwindling week after week (as they have been) perhaps we wont have to put up with it for much longer; and like my once idolized-now soon to be non-existent myspace page, this blog will enter the black hole never to be seen or read from ever again.

With that all said...lets get to the knitty-gritty-cold sore-STD inflicted IDOL!

This year I may have been a bit uncharitable when I heard that the famous charity event, Idol Gives Back, was coming after our wallets and life savings another season-but I apologize for seeming to be so cold and well..uncharitable. But as impossible as it may appear, I do have a kind heart and I was touched by the event. I did my part by contributing as I began to GO CRAZY by purchasing the performances from Wednesday night on iTunes. So I can official say I found it within myself to give to those desperately in need. See what a kind hearted man I really am underneath all this midget.

Now for the remainder of this post, I promise to contain any explicit phrases and keep it calm.

Betsy Ross, Martha Washington and yes even Harriet Tubman are all rejoicing once again as Kristy Lee gallops through another week after such an eardrum splitting performance Tuesday night. My disappointment and frustration cannot express how badly this girl needs to get her walking papers to the volcano of no talent. No matter what, thinking that maybe THIS will be THE week for her to FINALLY go...I eat my words with a heaping spoonful of horse manure..all while relating to the fact that she is like a bad cold sore on the inside of your mouth, that constantly reminds you, "HEY..I'M STILL HEEEEEEEEEERE!"

YES YOU ARE!

Despite Ryan Seacrest relating the possibility that Johns would not have to leave, (recalling the precedent set by last season's ''Idol Gives Back'' reprieve) the Aussie, who performed Aerosmith's ''Dream On'' was ultimately deported from the Idol stage, and stepping out into the audience to sing the song one more time.

I was not a complete gah gah fan over his blood, sweat and even tears-but I definitely assumed those who fell head over heels for his crickey-diggery dingo mannerisms and charisma, would propel him into the Final 3, but like wishing upon a star as I tend to do more frequently than not, I was brought back to the hard, rough surface that is REALITY.

I can just admit that the country demons have won and Kristy Lee will be taking MJ's place in the finals...why not? It doesn't work for me to sacrifice small ponies in hopes that the powers on high will finally grant my dying wish to see her get off the honkey-tonk stage for good..except we will be seeing her on TOUR..

But anything is better than Amanda Overmyer and David Hernandez..I will take Kristy over the two of them ANYTIME, ANYWHERE!

But HEAR ME!

If Kristy gets anywhere near taking the title of Idol...I am canceling any further hopes of seeing my blonde-barefoot, ivory tickling nanny, Cookie and Archie LIVE (much to my gut wrenching dismay.)

WHOSE WITH ME!

How Say YOU America?! I DEMAND My Refund For That Ticket To DollyWood!

Farewell to you Ramiele...your lip gloss didn't hypnotize me into voting for you!

But I got my cowboy hat, my boot n spurs, all tassled together, and ready to hit yet another week of American Idol performances. This time Dolly Parton decided to accompany me for the hayride. Keep your hands to yourself you BACKWOODS BARBIE!!

speaking of Backwood Barbies...

Kristy Lee manages to once again toot her patriotic horn, as she rides through another elimination night on her brown horse (which she intends to buy back AS SOON AS SHE WINS THE COMPETITION)

I really enjoy how she "knows" her fate to be in the bottom 3 week after week. The producers should just make a gold plaque with her name on it, and place it on one of the infamous "bottom 3" stools to be displayed permanently. KRISTY TAKE YOUR USUAL SEAT!

This should tell us something!! But no, we must subject all forms of humaity to put up with her antics of, flirting with Simon, and blowing his socks off...which I think he is still waiting for (but I 'd prefer to see her blow herself right OUT of the competition altogether) As we all heard her sing a few weeks ago, "Shes proud to be an American." And I'm giving her the middle-fingered salute.

DICLAIMER:

I, Shay Laval Ludwig, solemnly vow that if Kristy Lee makes it to the top 5, I will surrender my citizenship wholeheartedly and relocate to a small pygmy village in the hills of Mongolia.

With that said...lets hope I get lucky and don't have to give up the contestants I DO enjoy.

So apparently David Cook (after another amazing performance) had to head off to the emergency room immediately following Tuesday nights show as a result of high blood pressure. I also found out that his brother is currently suffering from cancer as well. Even though he was subjected to giving credit where credit was due last night, (in regards to the last 5 songs he covered-recently covered by other bands,) I think he does a phenomenal job every week! You get the official, BIP STAMP OF APPROVAL , on your ticket to the Finals COOKIE! (Thanks for the nickname Raelynn..its hilarious!)

As for another contestant I'd wish to see in the FINALS...Archie!

Aka David Archuleta. I felt a real connection with the song he sang and had goosebumps on top of goosebumps, and for me, that is definitely saying that this kid has got something! Despite the criticism for him constantly licking his lips (which i do all the time) but come on, you need to moisten those important instruments. I also downloaded his performance from 2 weeks ago, and plan on downloading this weeks as well. Call me IDOL NERD #2.

I was a bit peeved over the fact that Brooke was in the bottom 3 last night. Maybe its because she is Mormon, and I really get clingy with people of the same faith (just ask my LDS friends) and I cannot bear to see her go so easily. I really want to see her and David A. both make it far!!

While were talking about the bottom 3, I personally think Syesha BORE-cado should've been on the stools last night. I must apologize to all of you who have come to learn of how much an avid fan I WAS/USED TO BE of Syesha...but after this week, I cannot say that I feel the same way. I have grown to really enjoy the song, Always Love You, but something was missing..she needs Whitney lessons from last years Lakisha Jones, now SHE has the chords for Whitney! WHOO!

Micheal Johns gave a great performance, as usual, but I have a hard time with his diggery dingo facial expressions when he sings. For some reason it looks like he is passing a golf ball sized kidney stone, or maybe he looks so distraught because he's still waiting for his boomerang to return.

Carly still seems to be overly excited to make it week after week. But who can't like her irish accent? But I prefer Brooke to be waiting at the end of my Lucky Charms.

As for Jason, he just needs to just figure out where he is, and come out of his giggle-weed cloud and realize he is on LIVE television. I think he will be the next to showcase himself as a "regular" in the bottom 3 in a couple weeks.

But I can say I am looking forward to Idol Gives Back next week, because we FINALLY get to hear Kristy Lee sing Amazing Grace!! YEEEHAAWWWWWWW!

How Say YOU America?! Idolatry All Around

Lets hear if for the performances on the bizarre ''Songs From the Year You Were Born'' theme night!!

Kristy Lee has YET again squeezed her country twang into American hearts (not this guys thats for sure!) As soon as I heard what song she selected to sing, I immediately felt the bowels cramp up. But GOD BLESS YOU KRISTY! For choosing to play the patriotism card-its a sure way to buy you ANOTHER week in the competition! Bring on Dolly Parton! YEEEHAAH

But make sure YOU AMERICA tune in next week when she belts America The Beautiful, followed by Neil Diamond's Were Coming To America, then The Battle Hymn of the Republic, and lastly watch it continue until the BIG Finale when she invades IRAQ!

I admit I wasn't shocked to see Chikezie being sent packing. I knew there had to be something worthy of praise in all its glory. I was hoping it'd be either him OR Jason and his Betty Crocker grass brownies, which he seems to smoke every week. I was however a bit nervous for Syesha...but was relieved to see her receive another pass on GO for another week. But enough with the baby crying imitations ok? Or we may be subjected to you portraying a grown black woman's cry.

And how about we STOP voting for Ramiele and her little person-big voice? Just a thought...

But on to the GOOD stuff..my TOP 3! Whom I will have the pleasure of seeing LIVE on Tour! Can you feel the anticipated excitement?!

DAVID COOK ladies and...well ladies! (I don't have any gentleman recruited into my blog audience as of yet) I thought reinterpreting Chris Cornell's 2007 take on Michael Jackson's original was, as Simon put it, AMAZING! Which means Rocker David will likely be fending off ''rip-off'' and ''copycat'' accusations regarding his performances from here on out as the competition continues. But I dare say these last couple weeks he has done a GREAT job at recruiting me to the ROCK USA fan club!

Lil David Arculeta-So I TOO have never heard the song he performed, but I welcome the ridicule and laughs when mentioning, did anyone else think of Neverending Story?? I immediately drifted off and found myself on the back of Falkor, the dog like dragon with companion Atreyu...

Back to REALITY...

I couldn't help but smile as I was watching him perform. Archie is still another favorite of mine whether he ends up at Lagoon singing in their land of misfited Madrigal themed shows. Theres no hate, just love for all you WJHS Mads out there....show me the choir stare!

Ahh Brooke White and your golden locks of blonde hair. I'd like to see you sing Cabin Fever in a red spitfire dress while dangled over THAT piano...WOW! You just tickle Bips ivory num nums!

Aussie Micheal may have brought me back to the Mighty Duck movies when he sang We Will Rock You/We Are the Champions, and it obviously was a hit with the crowd and the judges, but can we cut back on the foreign charisma, eh mate?! You're not helping us single white Americans who are looking for love....

That leaves you Carly Smithson. Bear down and breathe. Thats all I have to say.

Thank you.

How Say YOU America?! American Idol Review (Or Was It The Beatles Back from the Dead?)

Congratulations Yoko Ohno, assasins, cancer, and one-legged gold diggers, you're no longer the WORST thing to ever happen to the Beatles!

But please allow me to put on a shirt with the word, "Edelweiss" printed across my manly physique, and impersonate Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music by running over a luscious green hilltop, arms wide open, and praising all things green and beautiful by saying:

"Elvira has FINALLY gone home!"

That would be the infamous rock and roll nurse, Amanda Overmyer for those of you reading this, who are dazed and confused, by the above reference. (I honestly thought she resembled the mistress of the dark, Elvira. ) So give me credit where credit is deserved! Her performance of one of the WORST Beatles songs ever made, 'Back in the U.S.S.R.,'' spent her Idol run simply trying ''to show America what they would see if they came to my show and bought a ticket to see me.'' Guess you will end up promoting that small local bar in Lafayette just as you predicted.

Instead, we get another week of — cue slightly off-key fiddles, please! — Kristy Lee Cook!

(As we are subjected to the screams and arm waving from the dreaded Idol ''mosh pit'' and its sorority-sisters-on-meth occupants. No Kappas in that crowd thats for sure!)

I have decided to give up on thinking that Kristy Lee will ever be voted off the competition. After seeing her come out the night before, in what looked like a combination of a Glad lock zipper bag and cellophane WITH her cowgirl boots in toe, I was beside myself (literally.) We might as well declare her the Season 7 victor and cut her a record deal right now! I have never despised anyone as much as I do Kristy Lee...well I take that back, shes up there with Chris Rich and Phil "stalker eyes" Stacey from last year...scary!

I was also very shocked to see that Carly was in the bottom three..but then again she did claim to be the broken-winged blackbird after all.

Which brings us to the previous evening's four most successful performances, three of which I really liked, and four of which left me ambivalent. Let's start with the last one.

#1.) Micheal Johns. Now the aussie has been one of my favorites in this competition, except for this past week. He was bound to fail in his attempt to condense a long and winding number into 90 seconds, and then blame the fact that it was so "terrible" on account because one of his friends who has passed away loved that song...? Ok, where do we go from here? Good thing you mentioned your Hollywood-week performance of ''Bohemian Rhapsody'' in your interview package, all the better to remind voters why we put you into the season 7 finals in the first place.

#2.) Ramiele Maluby. Elevator Music Idol! ZZzzz..When I spend the entire 90 seconds transfixed by a contestant's dazzling eyeliner and over done lip gloss, then there's something missing from the performance. I'm just waiting for her to hit the road RIGHT after Kristy Lee finally takes the hint and packs her bags for good!

#3 AND #4 Goes to the unexplained Jason Castro speaking another language after smoking an entire bowl of french weed and Chikezie, harmonica lessons anyone?!

The four performances that I really enjoyed had to be Syesha's "Yesterday" (which I agree with Simon, should've been sung by Brooke,) I think having her be in the bottom three 2 weeks ago probably shook her up a bit to step it up, I don't know why most people find her to be a bit boring...I LOVE her voice! (See part 1 of How Say You and my infatuation with black women haha)

#2.) David Cook- with his rock-esque rendition of ''Day Tripper'' which was inspired by Whitesnake's cover, and yeah, maybe a 90-second performance doesn't really leave enough time to break out the "vocoder" and make it totally work, this cover found Rocker David singing totally in tune and, as Randy pointed out, delivering his number as if it were part of his own concert, WHERE CAN I BUY TICKETS!? I definitely was a believer and purchased that and Eleanor Rigby on iTunes.

#3.) David Archuleta! A great comeback after last weeks forgotten lyrics! I was literally holding my breath hoping he would come back on top. I was glad to see that he made it into the Top 10 and I can look forward to seeing him on TOUR!!!!!

#4.) Brooke White. Maybe not her best performance, definitely not even close to Let It Be, but how could you not feel the awkwardness as she tried to compete with one of the BEST performances from this entire Season?! I think she deserves to make it definitely to the #4 slot if not further, shes got a really sweet voice that leaves me yearning for the nanny to sing BIP to sleep! Guess seeing her LIVE and ON TOUR will just have to do for the time being.

(Can you just feel the angst for it to be July already!?)


On a final note, being a "family" oriented program I really enjoyed how Ryan introduced Kellie Pickler — his statement that she's "grown in so many ways" and how it elicits several dirty old man chuckles, keep it up Seacrest!!

How Say YOU America?! American Idol Review pt. 4

Wasn't the Beatles concert LIVE last Tues. night the greatest thing since sliced bread?

Ok I have a confession to make. I taped the entire nights episode, (like I do every week with my favorite tv shows) just because I head off to work at 8pm, and because I don't have to worry about missing something vocally amazing. But I didn't get to catch any of those AMAZING performances (Brooke, Micheal, Carly and you David Cook) and ended up skipping the show altogether that night.

By watching the recaps of the performances on Wed night, I was relieved that I didn't put myself through the robotic meltdown of Kristy Lee, the camera leering from David H., and the forgotten lyrics by my favorite, David A.!!

DAVID WHYYYYYYY!?

So it all comes down to this. How would you react if Jim Carrey showed up at your workplace to plug his new movie? And what would you ask the judges and Idols if you got to "call in" to the show? Are these the NEW additions to the Season 7 show that we can "look forward" too while waiting to hear who is being kicked off?! I suppose the producers needed to come up with something new, now that there wont be so much overexposure to the guest artists of the night like last year, (THANK GOODNESS!) but now instead we can watch the bottom 3 perform their terrible performances ONCE AGAIN, OVER AGAIN, until it comes down to the last 10 minutes of air time. Gotta LOVE FOX!

I am not going to waste blog space on whether David H. was given his ticket to ride because of his "stressful week" aka overly broadcast news, about his past-but my Idol-atry couldn't be more than thrilled to see him finally exit the stage!! To hear from his exit interview that he was supposedly one of the BEST singers of the season 7 crew was extremely laughable.

As for KC, aka Kristy Lee Cook....she will get hers as long as I KEEP thinking that NEXT WEEK WILL BE THE WEEK...right, I thought that was the case 2 weeks ago. Maybe shes the next Sanjaya??

I am so glad that we will get to listen to more Beatles renditions this next week as well, as if we haven't had enough butchering of classics already.

Once again my DVR will be utilized in its entirety so I can fast forward those intimate moments with KC and her country pop horse manure.

How Say YOU America?! Idol's Top 12 Undressed

PRAISE JESUS!

Finally a reality show that proved worthy of angelic praise! I was sooo close to turning the heat off on my Idol-atry for good, but tonight brought me back to the dawg pound! WOOF WOOF!

Just try calling me a Mutt Paula...I DARE YOU!

Tear drops keep falling on my head...

Or maybe not..

Remember how I mentioned that Deanis Priscilla and I decided to go at the infamous "bracket" for our Idol predictions? Well let me just say that so far I haven't been scoring the big points, in fact Dean has whipped me like whipped cream every week.

But I definitely came through on this week's predictions...3 out of 4 ain't bad. But I still have a TON of catching up to do if I want to win that tour of the Hogle.

First up is Britney Spears...er...uhh I mean Kady Malloy. Kady's failure, of course, may be good news for the competition's other soulless blonde, Kristy Lee Cook, who sang, um, something, tonight, and didn't miss too many notes, if memory serves. It's just that, uh, I kind of seriously cannot even remember it. Not without fast forwarding back through my DVR. And I just don't care enough about Kristy Lee to do it. She is my prediction to be the FIRST to exit the TOP 12 stage...come on she is NOT that great!! More importantly, I am guessing you don't care enough either. Can we skip Kristy Lee? Yes, I know. There was some cleavage action going on Wednesday night, I mean HEY the more you show the more votes you get right? Shout out to YOU HALEY! aka Leggs.

Danny Norriega

Despite the recent news and postings of his Christmas caroling while dropping multiple F-bombs, I am assuming that all somehow added up to his final exit on the show. Or perhaps America couldn't take anymore crazed sassiness and back talk. AMEN! Granted I did feel bad for him at the end, lets be real here folks, who enjoys seeing a grown woman cry?! Certainly not me! I couldn't help from noticing that before the results were announced, as it was down between him and Jacuzzi; Danny knew it was inevitable and we would get to see his FIERCE thrusting and stalker-esque eye contact as he belted out Tainted Love one more time.

Asia'H Epperson

Let the purge begin with Whitney. Asia'h's grandma pants caught my attention more than her song. Her performance of ''I Want to Dance With Somebody'' sounded as if it was exhausting her. If that was exhausting her, I wonder what physically dancing with somebody would do, LOL! Paula said she nailed it. Not so much. Her spunkiness is suffocating, so you can imagine how elated I was when she left the stage FOR GOOD! I always had the suspicion that she wouldn't make it into the Top 12, non-alcoholic drinks on me America!

Luke Menard

"There is a foul voice in the air!" said Legolas as his piercing elven eyes gazed across the horizon of Middle Earth. That would be the vocal of Luke, Orlando.

It was only obvious when it was down to the last 3 guys, having not sent 1 home yet, that when Luke stood up it was clear he was going to be the first to exit the stage out of the male performers. I must come right out and say it, I voted for him relentlessly last night (next to David Cook) in hopes that it would make him remain in the competition and beat out David H. or Jacuzzi, but alas it didn't do me any justice. Choosing to sing that WHAM song was not the best choice at all my friend! Your vocal range was definitely unique and different to the show, but just didn't attract many voters. Unless theyre fans of Hugh Jackman and Orlando, like me. Heres to your future!

So there you have it. The Idol-atry has reached its Top 12. The anticipation is finally over! Now we get to sit back and watch the remaining contestants belt out renditions from ‘I Want to Hold Your Hand’ to ‘Got to Get You Into My Life.’

This is one viewer that will be cashing in on his ticket to ride the Yellow Submarine.

How Say YOU America?! American Idol Review pt. 2

Another sad, sad day for 4 contestants, and also most of all the viewers! Yes, I am speaking about me! After tonights results, all I can say is that this show never seems to amaze me. Mostly because THE CONTESTANTS that SHOULD go home DO NOT!!

I'M RAISING MY CANE TO YOU AMANDA OVERMYER!!

But those of you reading this are saying, "But Shay thats why its entertaining! We want to give a record contract to another Ruben Stoddard that will end up with a one-hit wonder and be featured on VH1's 100 Awesomely Worst Songs EVER!"

RIGHT YOU ARE!

Ahh the lucky 4 that went home tonight.

Alaina Whitaker

I blame it on the blue dress! You can admit it was a major distraction. Its THE ONLY REASON I can still think of as to why she was sent home (and personally I don't own any dresses, nor plan on owning any in the future, sorry to disappoint) but I know what looks good on that body John Mayer calls a Wonderland. I was really sad to see her go, she was starting to be my favorite out of the girl scouts. Samoas anyone?

Robbie Carrico

Robbie, I blame it on the critique from the judges! They don't believe he is a rocker?? If someone says they're a rocker, then by all means they are what they eat right? I for one, tend to pass on the bowl of Van Halen flakes for breakfast every morning, but I thought his performance this week was MUCH better than last week and definitely not the reason to send him home. At least you have the Justin Timberlake image working for ya!

I can also admit that I am glad Luke pulled it through tonight, (could be because I voted for him last night..) but Orlando you need to pick better song choices otherwise your bow and arrow elf-skills wont save you from Middle Earth next week.

Jason Yaeger

FINALLY!! This was THE ONLY decision of the night that I actually agreed with. I didn't like him from the beginning. I know I'm cruel. Maybe it was because he was pulling the white stripe in his black mane that made me think he was copying Blake Lewis....HOW DARE HE!! Or probably because each week, his song choices reminded me of something that would be performed as the opening for a caribbean cruise. I'll look for you on the rebound on my next cruise Jason!

Alexandrea Lushington

Again never liked her...but it came down between her and my FAVORITE (choke me with a peace sign) Amanda Overmyer. I've realized that Amanda will always be in the bottom 2 and end up prevailing in her flame rippling chaps and bad hair. As much as I'd like to rant and stomp my midget legs over this fact, my crystal ball sees Amanda making it into the top 12 (look what happened last year between Hayley Scarnato "Legs," and Sabrina Sloan). Sorry Alexan-DREA, but at least you can go back to being the poster child for your daddys fire department. PEACE!

So according to the bracket sheet the score is 35 to 41, with Jess leading 41. I felt better knowing that we both banked on Amanda going home tonight, but we were denied ONCE AGAIN by the Idol police! Maybe the strategy is to not get our hopes up altogether and choose someone that is MUCH stronger vocally, because Elvira will triumph overall in the very end.

So I am going to put my life on the line and make my Top 12 prediction...are you ready?

Tune in Next Week to see if I have the power to predict America's GREAT TASTE in music!

(If It was up to me some of the above wouldn't be there...I'm talking to you David Hernandez and Asia'h Epperson) I know this prediction will end up back in my face, I might as well quit and save me the embarrassment.

How Say YOU AMERICA?! American Idol Review pt. 1

Ok so I have become an AVID fan of American Idol ever since last season. As most of you already know from hearing it from my own lips, you knew that I acted like a giddy school girl when I would mention how much of a fan I was of Blake Lewis from the Season 6 crew.

It grew even more so when Jessica and I had the pleasure to enjoy VIP seating at the American Idol Concert Tour last summer, and I got to see my favorites, Blake and Lakisha, perform Live!! It definitely was the highlight of 2007 for me, next to the amazing birthday I had (even though I turned 26 that year which is nothing to praise Jesus about, but my friends made it memorable.)

I have begun my journey on the American Idol Soul Train, by bringing you my thoughts, gripes and groans from this years Season 7 contestants! Fasten your seat belts and dance like theres no tomorrow, because this is going to be a bumpy blog!

This year Season 7 has been overly hyped up to be THE best season. I can honestly agree somewhat, but after viewing the performances both Tues. and Wed. night I wasn't exactly jumping out of my skin. I did come away however enjoying a couple guys and a few girls, but wouldn't say they contributed (as Randy "DAWG" Jackson says) that WOW, SLAYING factor. So bring back Sarah Michelle Gellar and have her open up a can of Vampire Slayer whoop ass!

My opinion could also be that I'm not a music major nor a chorister of a 50 piece brass and wind orchestra, (you can look for that in my next life) so whose to say I know what I'm complaining about. However, my perspective could also be a result of the fact that I am just partially confused and annoyed with anything that comes out of Paula Abdul's mouth.

YES I SAID IT! Have your Mighty Ducks meet me on the ice Emilio!

Don't get me wrong, I dance like theres no tomorrow with my cold hearted slave, and straight up I'll tell her if I really want to love her forever. But as of right now, she needs to say either she liked the performance or not! I don't want to hear how BEAUTIFUL or FUN the contestant looked, I want to know if YOU, Paula, think the performance deserves to be voted for. And not if they contributed to one of the many colors of the damn rainbow.

But Paula you are Forever My Girl!

So the results from tonights show, 2 guys and 2 girls were voted off. But lets speak frankly for a second here, wouldn't you think the 30 million something odd voters out there (me being 1 of them) would want to weed out the terrible singers/performances from the ones who have the pipes AND the potential?!! Of course not, thats why its entertaining right?

This Season, Jessica and I have decided to do a bracket for each week. By choosing which guys and girls will be voted off, and therefore gain a certain amount of points for each one we get correct. Ending up in a complimentary tour of Hogle Zoo. HOORAY! So generally I thought I had this IN THE BAG!! But perhaps my over confidence and competitive edge made me lost sight of how AMERICA votes whose good and whose bad (remember last year's Sanjaya?? Not a pretty sight!)

Joanne Borgella

It came down between her and Amanda Overmyer (who I think looks like Elvira) and I was SO disappointed that America chose the plus size model, Joanne, to leave. I admit that her first performance was not that great, partly because we didn't get to see most of her performances during Hollywood Week, probably because Fox couldn't stop relating the sad, sad, irish tale of Carly Smithson and her horrible visa incident. WHO CARES! But Joanne was one of the girls I was pulling for to make the Top 12. It could also be the attraction I have to plus size black women who hold a special place in my white man bosom, but I think she deserved to show us exactly that vocal range she talked about. I was REALLY torn over this outcome, and it probably will ruin the rest of the Season for me because YOU Amanda Overmyer sang a scatt-datt-enn-doo-doo-crap-whack song and if anyone likes that kind of music genre probably resides in the hills of incest hood.

The other girl to leave was Amy Davis, who I knew right after she performed that horrible song was going to be the first to leave the stage so gimme some points America, or was it TOO obvious??

Colton Berry

Now Colton wasn't one of my favorite guys, but I thought he sang a better song than half the guys Tuesday night. So again, I was very upset and frustrated when America dropped the ball by sending him home. Maybe his reference to Ellen will get him a guest starring role on her show and she can promote his solo album. But he and a few other contestants are under the age of 18 and still have their lives ahead of them, but I thought that Chikeze definitely needed to be voted off for his terrible Diana Ross rendition, but what do I know?

Lastly, I'm sad to see you go Garrett Clark, but at least you got to look like Micheal Jackson on your last night on the American Idol stage! Don't let the mic stand hit you on the way out.

Hopefully next week America can regain consciousness and this time eliminate YOU Jason Yeager, David Hernandez, Chikezie Eze, Amanda Overmyer, Aish'a Epperson, Alexandrea Lushington; because God knows if either of you make the Top 12 this will be one "avid fan" that will turn the TV off on Idol for good!

I Dedicate THIS To YOU..Skunk Doe!

So I have had pretty good luck when it pertains to disasters of any kind. Granted I am still trying to forget the unfortunate car wreck that I was apart of last August 2006, and frankly I was the one to blame for it all. I confess I was distracted while listening to Dido (who has been removed from the vehicle forever I must admit.)

But I have NEVER been so lucky as to commandeer my car to take the life of any animal or vermin..such as lets say...a skunk.

EXCEPT THIS MORNING ON MY WAY HOME FROM WORK!!!

There was no Dido to blame, this time it was Blake Lewis, but I was not in any way, shape or form disabled or daydreaming (like I somehow tend to do more often than not.) I caught a glimpse of the creature scurrying across Bangerter Hwy (most likely to make it back to its family awaiting his/her return, which I still cannot get out of me head!!) and then THANKS TO ME....

WHAM!!! BAM!!

I immediately gasped as I felt my car go up and over its NOW lifeless body....

I shut Blake Lewis up, and I was extremely sad, no not because I shut Blake up for the first time, but because I have never did anything so terrorist-like before. I know some of you reading this are scoffing and cannot believe I am in such pain and anguish over this vermin, but you're not the ones being reminded of the incident every time you enter and exit your vehicle!

YES!

Skunk doe (I refer to it as "doe" because I did not take the opportunity to pull over immediately after said accident to discover its gender, nor to pack it up to bring home to skin what was left of its remains and make some skunk jerky) left behind whats left of its mortal existence on the front right wheel of my car, an indescribable burnt toast fragrance; and I am forever to be reminded of its tragic removal from this life because I couldn't swerve like a Nascar pro race car driver.

I am hoping that by relating this tale as in a blog obituary, I will be able to sleep well and not be caused to dream of the situation over and over; while remaining WIDE awake until I finally decide to forget sleeping altogether and attempt to receive some sort of justification of my actions by watching Tyra, or Oprah (whichever is on when I give up on sleep.)

There has been a small fund set up in the name of Skunk Doe for all those interested in submitting some sort of currency to pay for the damages caused on this terrible Monday morning.

Bips BUCKET List

Ahh the beauty and bliss of a life well lived and well deserved. I was looking over my list of things to do before i die and decided to share them with YOU, my beloved audience.

Catch a Punch
As someone takes a swing at me, I just want to be able to catch it, twist their arm backwards, and hear them scream in agony!

Roll A Car
Survive and come away unscathed.

Pull a Fake Mustache Off A Guy At A Dinner Party and yell "AHA!"

Urinate on A Jellyfish Sting

Hop into a Cab and Yell "FOLLOW THAT CAR!"

Drag my hand backwards down a Woman's Cheek While Saying
"What A Shame"

Direct a Movie called AWESOME So I Can Be Referred To As
The AWESOME Director

Cauterize a war wound with gunpowder

Fend off a Bear with a torch, as he goes up on his hind legs, I grab a torch from the fire and shake it back and forth while yelling
"BACK, BACK!"

Make love endlessly all during some natural disaster

Interrogate a criminal in a dark room, and take the bright light from above and shine it directly onto their face and say "Were Onto You!"

Be the only survivor on a deserted island and write SOS in the sand
while waiting for rescue.

Continue to rack my insanity and come up with more ideas to act out
before I die.

This Week IN RAGE!

So like most of my friends, they have dedicated certain moments in their lives to vent, complain, and scream about those special events in their lives, which always have brought a smile to my face. No not because I enjoy the pain and agony of others, but because they're the most hilarious moments in anyones life, mine too. As such, I have decided to try to dedicate a post a week to those same type of moments called "This Week In Rage." Hope it brings a smile to your face and makes you rejoice that your life isn't as bad as mine...(can I get a witness?)

This Week In Rage

I recently was invited to take a trip to Maize, Kansas to celebrate the marriage of my cousin to the man of her dreams. I wasn't planning on attending, mostly because I didn't have enough money to spend on the trip. But my OTHER cousin Laura, showed up at my house last week and begged me to jump on the soul train headed for Kansas. Despite the fact that there is absolutely NOTHING to do in Kansas, let alone the DRIVE OUT THERE there is NOTHING PERIOD. But I was wanting to get away, and so I couldn't resist. So this week in Rage has got to be the 36 hours I spent in the backseat, driving to AND from Kansas. I could NOT wait to get out of the car at the dirty gas stations just to stretch my legs, only to regret that we had a long ways to go.

In the end I did enjoy the entire trip alone. I love being around my family and especially hanging out with the Baptist Community in Maize, Kansas.

PRAISE JESUS!!

Come and Knock On Our Door!

Come and knock on our door.....
We've been waiting for you......
Where the kisses are hers and hers and his,
Three's company too.

Come and dance on on our floor......
Take a step that is new.....
We've a loveable space that needs your face,
Three's company too.

You'll see that life is a frolic and laughter is calling for you......
Down at our rendez-vous,
Three's company, too!!!!!!

There is no doubt that any of you have forgotten the crazy escapades of Jack, Janet, and Crissy and their flamboyant landlord Mr. Furley. Better yet that addictive jingle, "Come and Knock on Our door, we've been waiting for you....Three's Company too!"

Well I have figured out my own Three's Company. I consider it one of the closest knit friendships around. So I have gone ahead and created my own version of the 1977 sitcom below.

Ok so I'm not exactly the best graphic editor, but while you are contemplating whether to laugh out loud or cry inside, let me share more with you regarding Three's Company. The other night, Jessica, Jana and myself were hanging out at our favorite place, Village Inn, or as we would like to call..The VI. Consider it the Peach Pit of the 90210 days or The Max from Saved By The Bell. We always tend to come out of the establishment, after glancing over the crowd that continues to pour in from who knows where (I've decided they all come down from the mountains, and I don't mean the views of PC or Deer Valley) feeling better for the lives we are currently living, despite the different circumstances we each embody.

I for one like to mention that despite these differences, the three of us have decided that we will most likely end up hanging out at the Inn into our late 40s and beyond, still single and still going through the circumstances that I mentioned before.

After giving it some thought, I have to agree! We all have some sort of disposition for illness or disability of some kind, and in some cases history has repeated itself. I don't want to go into too much detail, but we each have at least one thing or another that makes us stand out. I have to give credit to Jessica and Jana for accomplishing and receiving their Bachelor Degrees which I still need to hammer out sometime within my life. So right there goes to show you that we are not that odd of a group. I'd like to think of us as being endowed with great senses of humor, personalities and who have thus far lived life to its fullest (probably more evolved than Crissy, Janet and Jack even.) I am grateful for Jess and Jana for continuing the long friendship the three of us have enjoyed. I believe it will continue to grow and get more crazier and even more memorable experiences will be realized.

Even if that means having our names engraved on a gold plaque and placed on a booth within The VI, (what an accomplishment that would be!!) Which, like the theme song, has a space that needs your face, Three's Company Too!!

I'm a Victim Of The BIRTHDAY HOO HAHH

I would first off like to mention that this year was THE best Christmas I have experienced in awhile. I was able to throw a party for some influential, and fantastic friends anyone could wish for, and I spent the majority of the holiday with my family which I really enjoyed. I also took some ALONE time, (are you surprised?) which I could never see myself doing in my entire life. Just for the fact that I was always one wanting to be amongst A crowd ALL THE TIME. I honestly believe I have reached a major milestone in my life realizing that YOU NEED ALONE TIME!!

I also hope this isn't a sign of old age because I am turning 27 in less than a week...>tear<

Let me just let the dog pound out of the bag okay...in the past 6 years of my life every time my birthday would come around the cash and prizes side of me HAD to throw some sort of get together with friends. I admit some birthdays were better than others, but all in all I can't complain about the great time I've had and the memorable gifts that I've received. Thank yous go out to you all who have endured these gatherings year after year..I salute YOU!

But now that I am spiraling down the hill towards 30..I don't want to bother with it anymore. Does anyone else out there feel the need to make a BIG HOO HAHH about their birthday every year it comes around?? I confess to his holiness that I've been a victim of the birthday HOO HAHH, and could never understand why anyone wouldn't want to make such a big deal about their birthdays.

Mind you I have never been one to text the entire address book in my cell phone stating, "HEY JUST WANT TO REMIND YOU ITS MY BIRTHDAY NEXT WEEK!" Only to be told back, "HEY JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW I DIDN'T GET YOU ANYTHING!"

I've figured its because from ages 19-25 I was still relishing the ALL ABOUT ME limelight. I was immature and selfish. YES I SAID IT!! But I've finally figured out these demons and decided that I would take a stand and try harder not to squeeze the life out of my friends to come and celebrate just another day with me, ABOUT ME.

Just nod your head and make me think that you understand what this jibberish is portraying. I'm done with the fact that I NEED GIFTS, that I NEED TO GO OUT TO DINNER, that I NEED TO SEND INVITATIONS. There are just more important things, like maybe taking all that energy and time to finding a wife and getting hitched...hhmmm