How Say YOU America?! American Idol Review (Or Was It The Beatles Back from the Dead?)

Congratulations Yoko Ohno, assasins, cancer, and one-legged gold diggers, you're no longer the WORST thing to ever happen to the Beatles!

But please allow me to put on a shirt with the word, "Edelweiss" printed across my manly physique, and impersonate Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music by running over a luscious green hilltop, arms wide open, and praising all things green and beautiful by saying:

"Elvira has FINALLY gone home!"

That would be the infamous rock and roll nurse, Amanda Overmyer for those of you reading this, who are dazed and confused, by the above reference. (I honestly thought she resembled the mistress of the dark, Elvira. ) So give me credit where credit is deserved! Her performance of one of the WORST Beatles songs ever made, 'Back in the U.S.S.R.,'' spent her Idol run simply trying ''to show America what they would see if they came to my show and bought a ticket to see me.'' Guess you will end up promoting that small local bar in Lafayette just as you predicted.

Instead, we get another week of — cue slightly off-key fiddles, please! — Kristy Lee Cook!

(As we are subjected to the screams and arm waving from the dreaded Idol ''mosh pit'' and its sorority-sisters-on-meth occupants. No Kappas in that crowd thats for sure!)

I have decided to give up on thinking that Kristy Lee will ever be voted off the competition. After seeing her come out the night before, in what looked like a combination of a Glad lock zipper bag and cellophane WITH her cowgirl boots in toe, I was beside myself (literally.) We might as well declare her the Season 7 victor and cut her a record deal right now! I have never despised anyone as much as I do Kristy Lee...well I take that back, shes up there with Chris Rich and Phil "stalker eyes" Stacey from last year...scary!

I was also very shocked to see that Carly was in the bottom three..but then again she did claim to be the broken-winged blackbird after all.

Which brings us to the previous evening's four most successful performances, three of which I really liked, and four of which left me ambivalent. Let's start with the last one.

#1.) Micheal Johns. Now the aussie has been one of my favorites in this competition, except for this past week. He was bound to fail in his attempt to condense a long and winding number into 90 seconds, and then blame the fact that it was so "terrible" on account because one of his friends who has passed away loved that song...? Ok, where do we go from here? Good thing you mentioned your Hollywood-week performance of ''Bohemian Rhapsody'' in your interview package, all the better to remind voters why we put you into the season 7 finals in the first place.

#2.) Ramiele Maluby. Elevator Music Idol! ZZzzz..When I spend the entire 90 seconds transfixed by a contestant's dazzling eyeliner and over done lip gloss, then there's something missing from the performance. I'm just waiting for her to hit the road RIGHT after Kristy Lee finally takes the hint and packs her bags for good!

#3 AND #4 Goes to the unexplained Jason Castro speaking another language after smoking an entire bowl of french weed and Chikezie, harmonica lessons anyone?!

The four performances that I really enjoyed had to be Syesha's "Yesterday" (which I agree with Simon, should've been sung by Brooke,) I think having her be in the bottom three 2 weeks ago probably shook her up a bit to step it up, I don't know why most people find her to be a bit boring...I LOVE her voice! (See part 1 of How Say You and my infatuation with black women haha)

#2.) David Cook- with his rock-esque rendition of ''Day Tripper'' which was inspired by Whitesnake's cover, and yeah, maybe a 90-second performance doesn't really leave enough time to break out the "vocoder" and make it totally work, this cover found Rocker David singing totally in tune and, as Randy pointed out, delivering his number as if it were part of his own concert, WHERE CAN I BUY TICKETS!? I definitely was a believer and purchased that and Eleanor Rigby on iTunes.

#3.) David Archuleta! A great comeback after last weeks forgotten lyrics! I was literally holding my breath hoping he would come back on top. I was glad to see that he made it into the Top 10 and I can look forward to seeing him on TOUR!!!!!

#4.) Brooke White. Maybe not her best performance, definitely not even close to Let It Be, but how could you not feel the awkwardness as she tried to compete with one of the BEST performances from this entire Season?! I think she deserves to make it definitely to the #4 slot if not further, shes got a really sweet voice that leaves me yearning for the nanny to sing BIP to sleep! Guess seeing her LIVE and ON TOUR will just have to do for the time being.

(Can you just feel the angst for it to be July already!?)

On a final note, being a "family" oriented program I really enjoyed how Ryan introduced Kellie Pickler — his statement that she's "grown in so many ways" and how it elicits several dirty old man chuckles, keep it up Seacrest!!


RaeLynn said...

What? How could I have missed Ryan's jab at Kellie Pickler. I'm gonna have to go back to my DVR and watch for it. :)

By the way, I do think Syesha has a great voice, and she has crazy potential--but she needs to work on her performance. She just boring to WATCH (in my opinion). Anyway, la dee da...and yes, I want to go to the concert in July SO BAD!!!

Melissa said...

What did you think of last night's results?? Chikezie-Easy went home over Ramiele and Kristy??? I'm speechless.